Since I have been sick, not much has been going on. I realized that the only things I wrote in my journal this day were about Jason and my friend Kendall getting engaged, so there’s your heads up and you can decide whether to read this or move on to the next day.
I have the most incredible husband-to-be! I talked to him again last night and almost got back up just to write that first line. I don’t know how he does it, but he just puts me at ease. Over the years, many guys teased me about how they were going to break me, how they planned to break me, or how I needed breaking – I hated it. While I am free-spirited, energetic, and my thoughts go millions of miles a second, I hate the idea that people think this needs breaking. I’d always politely smile at these guys and then generally have nothing to do with them. I joke with Jason that he has “broken” me, but I’m not sure that’s the most accurate way to phrase things. I didn’t need breaking and I don’t feel that I have been broken, but I feel at peace with him, calm with him, and I realize that at some times I can relax and do nothing. I let down with him, I’ve even cried with him. I always told him that I rarely cried and I rarely did, but something about him has made me realize that all these walls I’ve held up for so long, all of these hidden fears and insecurities that I wouldn’t share with others, are okay with him and I find all of these things slowly coming out. I hope that it will be over soon and that perhaps I will be back to my usual self, but in the meantime, I’m grateful to be letting down with such an understanding man.
He told me tonight that Kendall has gotten engaged!